Oakham Ales – Scarlet Macaw

BrewScarletery: Oakham Ales – www.oakhamales.com / @OakhamAles

Style: Golden Ale

ABV: 4.8%

Purchased from: B&M Bargins / @bmstores

Pouring and Look: Light golden treacle colour, little to no head.

Smell: Peach sweetness with a faint undertone of malt.

Taste: Biscuity malt with tinge of hop grapefruit bitterness with an aftertaste of burnt toffee and caramel.

Thoughts: There’s a lot going on with this ale but all the flavours blend and mix beautifully together. Buy it, drink it, love it.

The Perfect Time to Drink It: As far as anyone can estimate the year, by the old calendar, is 2039. It’s been just over a decade since Johnny Depp declared himself a living god and named himself simply “The Depp”. When “The Depp” took complete control there was no war, no revolution, our freedoms were not taken away from us, they were willingly sacrificed by us, freely, at the alter of the television. By the time Pirates of Caribbean 13th “The Curse of the Broken Mast” was released the vast majority of the world could no longer communicate to each other without referencing a Johnny Depp film. He’d replaced religion and law to become the reference point for everything, he’d become our moral compass.

To pay homage to “The Depp” the puppet governments of the world split the countries of the world into different Johnny Depp film themed regions.

You’re one one of the lucky ones who ended up in the Pirates of the Caribbean region, the Edward Scissor Hands region suffers from an extremely high morality rate, nobody last long there.

As a red coat in The Pirates of Caribbean region your job is simple, look smart, catch pirates but ultimately be ineffective. It’s a hard job but someone has to do it. Today has been particularly hard as you’ve attempted to capture Jack Sparrow three times and been foiled every time. On the last occasion a monkey hit you in the face with a full bed pan covering you in stale piss. It’s now the end of the day and as you soak in your hot bath sipping your Scarlett Macaw the depressing realisation hits you that although you’ll try your hardest to catch Jack Sparrow the whole construct of society is stacked against you succeeding. It’s a sobering truth that your life is doomed to fail but on the plus side at least you can enjoy this moment in the bath with a good beer.



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