Style: Dark Mild
Pouring and Look: Dark and peaty with a light toffee coloured head.
Smell: If you get your nose really in there and I mean really in there you might smell a raisin. Remember I said “might”.
Taste: Very bland, the hint of raisins and nuts but not in any major quantity.
Thoughts: It’s not the best, which is disappointing as I normally love Thwaites beers. A Nutty Black or Very Nutty Black is so much more satisfying than this. On the plus side it looks really nice.
The Perfect Time to Drink It: “We meet again, old foe” you mutter through gritted teeth as you enter the supermarket. You hate the place and the place hates you. Using your trolley as a battering ram you successful navigate, and conquer, the pasta, frozen goods and baking products aisle. All the aisles tried to resisted, to vex and trick you but you smote them all down. You now stand before the beer aisle, hands on your hips, looking heroic. This aisle will be easy. Your winnings today are every bottle and can of beer that have the words Thwaites embellished on the container – ‘for they never disappoint’ you think to yourself.
It’s now the evening; you’re sat in your underpants with your feet cooling in the washing up bowl. It’s time to enjoy your prize. The first can you open is a can of Champion Dark Mild. “A heroic name and the can looks like a panther’ you say to yourself. You take your first sip of Champion Dark Mild. It does not taste as you imagine a champion would taste, this tastes of liquid disappointment. There’s nothing actually wrong with it there’s just not a lot to it – “Grandpa can drink it the next time he visits” is your only thought as you banish the full can out of the open window and pick up a bottle of pure success – A Thwaites Triple C as you know this will not fail you.